And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he seas: and God saw that it was good.
In the beginning, the Jaunties and Mr. S. did go to Seaside Heights, New Jersey.
And the gaudy, consumerist boardwalk was good, and the cast of The Jersey Shore was upon the face of the boardwalk. And there was much photography by fans and great bossiness by police escorts who did use the majestic plural.
And Mr. and Ms. Jaunty did ride a chair lift.
And night did fall.
And after much walking and eating of fried foods, the Jaunties and Mr. S. did sleep in a righteous hotel room with three large beds, which thing they had not heretofore seen.
On the second day, they did return to Island Beach State Park, where they did slather themselves with sunscreen and play in the ocean, being thrown about by large waves and hiding shells in their bullet bras.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And Ms. Jaunty delighted in seeing bodies of every shape and kind dancing with the sea.
And Ms. Jaunty did drink half the salty ocean, for she was a rash and careless swimmer.
Mr. S. and the Jaunties did wisely reapply sunscreen, for they knew the sun was mighty.
Nevertheless, by nightfall Mr. and Ms. Jaunty were red and sad like unto boiled lobsters, for their skin was sorely burned.
And Mr. S. was unharmed, save for the tops of his feet.
And Ms. Jaunty lifted up her eyes and cried “Why did I not anoint my legs with sunscreen? Why did I fall asleep on the beach? For now my legs, yea, and also my lower back are cursed with the color of beets.”
And Ms. Jaunty did lie in bed mourning for the next two days, her legs having the appearance of scarlet chaps.
And it came to pass that her flesh did burn, burn, burn like unto the torment of Johnny Cash. When she did move, her cries were heard throughout all the land.
On the seventh day, her skin did peel off in vast sheets, raining down upon the sofa and carpet.
And it was good.
LESSON LEARNED: Thou shalt not underestimate the power and glory of the sun. Thou shalt reapply sunscreen.