Of all the numb-skulled, senseless “Wait, what?!” things I bought last year, The Hands Down Worst Purchase of 2009 was…
… two pair of Leg Avenue peachy-flesh-toned fishnet thigh-high stockings. I love fishnets, and I thought thigh-highs might suit me better than standard pantyhose.
In the words of Fastball, “How could I have ever been so blind?”
PRODUCT REVIEW: These Leg Avenue stockings come in one size only; 90-160 pounds.That should have warned me. Sure, they’re stretchy, but a 70-pound range? Please.
While the lace tops stretch nicely, the legs were big (baggy ankles) and much too long; though designed to be worn with a garter belt, they were long enough to hike up and tuck into my underwear. Hilarious, yes, but also hideous.
PERSONAL ISSUE: I carry 78% of my weight around my upper thighs. Knowing this about myself, why did I pay good money for lacy bands of elastic to dig into my unsuspecting Leg Chub®?
Because a photo would be both tasteless AND depressing as hell, I’ve provided the following illustration:
See my problem?
What was your most regrettable purchase of 2009? Bonus points for illustrations!
Oh, and if anyone taller than me with thighs of steel needs two pair of Leg Avenue stockings, I’ll cut you a deal.