Last week, my Mom and sister sent me a queen-size package full of candy, clothes, music, toys, beauty samples, novelties, a [...]]]> When reading old British novels, I’m sometimes jealous of characters who receive “hampers“. The Little Princess got them, I know, as did James Herriot…. did Harry Potter ever get a hamper? Anybody?

Last week, my Mom and sister sent me a queen-size package full of candy, clothes, music, toys, beauty samples, novelties, a book, etc..  As I opened it, cooing and gushing, I realized, “Hey, this is the American equivalent of a hamper! ” I guess ‘hamper’ sounds exciting because it’s foreign, like siestas and autobahns.

This massive care package/hamper also contained a 14 oz. bag of…

…multi colored tapioca pearls! Way to go, Thailand!

Tuesday I made a double-batch of vegan tapioca using this recipe, which might benefit from clearer directions. The pudding was fine, if a little heavy. Mr. Jaunty loved it. Alas, the pearls lost their color while cooking, giving the pudding a slightly gray cast. Dingy pudding.

Next time, I’ll try this recipe.

Of course, you can’t have tapioca without James Fox:

Did you see the way he choreographed a room full of strangers in FIVE MINUTES? Somebody get this man a hamper.

RECOMMENDED READING:

*Bill Bunn explains What’s Really In Your Shampoo. Startling stuff.

*Allison Aubrey presents shampoo’s history in tells us When It Comes to Shampoo, Less Is More from npr.com. Be sure to study the final paragraph.

EXPERIMENTATION:

Over the [...]]]> Now that I have several inches of hair, shampoo is on my mind. Whee!

RECOMMENDED READING:

*Bill Bunn explains What’s Really In Your Shampoo. Startling stuff.

*Allison Aubrey presents shampoo’s history in tells us When It Comes to Shampoo, Less Is More from npr.com. Be sure to study the final paragraph.

EXPERIMENTATION:

Over the past six months, I’ve been weaning my scalp off its shampoo habit:

1) I diluted my [eco-heinous] shampoo and put it in a foam pump bottle. Mr. Jaunty and I have been sharing that big ol’ bottle of Tresseme since 9/3/2009; I wrote the date on the bottle to monitor how long it’d last. It’s standard, environmentally icky stuff, but we’re using less daily and adjusting our scalps to less detergent. Baby steps, yo.

2) I tried J. R. Liggett’s Herbal Shampoo Bar

GOOD NEWS: It has lovely ingredients, smells nice, and lathers beautifully (which, we now know, means nothing). It left my hair feeling squeaky clean —which was initially unsettling— but it always looks normal once it’s dried.

BAD NEWS: It’s about $7 a bar, and there’s no WAY it’ll last as long as Liggett claims; as recommended, I’ve left mine on a wooden soap dish to dry between uses…and it still shrank down considerably after a mere dozen washes.

NOTE: livecurlylivefree.com says that shampoo bars should always be followed with a vinegar-based rinse to balance their high alkalinity. I put two tablespoons of apple cider vinegar in an old Dr. Bronner’s bottle, filled it with water, and keep it in my shower for days I use the Liggett shampoo bar. Easy as pie, and the vinegar smell disappears once my hair’s dry.

3) Most days, I “wash” my hair with a no-silicone conditioner; I pour a quarter-sized dollop in my hand, rub my palms together, and massage the conditioner into my scalp with my fingertips. Works fine! I’m currently using el cheapo White Rain conditioner from the Dollar Tree, but will upgrade to something less chemically once the bottle’s empty.

So! That’s my scalp.

DISCUSSION:

Have you tried any “no ‘poo” routines? Fancy hippie shampoos? Something else entirely?

… two pair of Leg Avenue peachy-flesh-toned fishnet thigh-high stockings. I love fishnets, and I thought thigh-highs might suit me better than standard pantyhose.

 In the words of Fastball, “How could I have ever been so blind?”

PRODUCT REVIEW: These Leg Avenue stockings come in one [...]]]> Of all the numbskulled, senseless “Wait, what?!” things I bought last year, The Hands Down Worst Purchase of 2009 was…

… two pair of Leg Avenue peachy-flesh-toned fishnet thigh-high stockings. I love fishnets, and I thought thigh-highs might suit me better than standard pantyhose.

 In the words of Fastball, “How could I have ever been so blind?”

PRODUCT REVIEW: These Leg Avenue stockings come in one size only; 90-160 pounds.That should have warned me. Sure, they’re stretchy, but a 70-pound range? Please.

While the lace tops stretch nicely, the legs were big (baggy ankles) and much too long; though designed to be worn with a garter belt, they were long enough to hike up and tuck into my underwear. Hilarious, yes, but also hideous.

PERSONAL ISSUE: I carry 78% of my weight around my upper thighs. Knowing this about myself, why did I pay good money for lacy bands of elastic to dig into my unsuspecting Leg Chub®?

Because a photo would be both tasteless AND depressing as hell, I’ve provided the following illustration:

See my problem?

What was your most regrettable purchase of 2009? Bonus points for illustrations!

Oh, and if anyone taller than me with thighs of steel needs two pair of Leg Avenue stockings, I’ll cut you a deal.