Target Weight

I would like to weigh 289672.5440806 square inches of air (at sea level).

Currently, I’m tipping the scales at 2000 human eyeballs or 12626.26262626 sheets of paper or 333.3333333333 hockey pucks.

But hey, that means I only weigh 0.1133980936238…. well…

um…

…right whale testicles. Thank you, weirdconverter.com, for putting things in perspective. [...]

DOS ist mein Leben

Back when men were men and I couldn’t reach the bathroom sink, my family played a lot of computer games. Jump Joe, Rampart, Dark Ages, Pac Man in 3-D, Dracula in London, Shooting Gallery, Joust, Mahjong… uh…. that Mario-esque thing with the treasure chests and inverted colors. Shareware, Shareware everywhere and not a thing [...]

Just as I can be so cruel

Everywhere I go, girls are chattering about certain teenybopper vampires and warewolves.

Sorry, unnamed sexist over-hyped book/film series, but I only have eyes for one brooding, sensual, vaguely menacing older man with famous fangs:

He even likes babies. [...]

Mystery at the Co-op II

Spirits were high at Jaunty Headquarters. Mr. Jaunty’s last client had finally settled accounts, and after three weeks of tearing out my boyish hair, I’d Continue reading Mystery at the Co-op II *UPDATED*

Alas, poor Ronald! I knew him, Halloween.

This picture was taken last October in a local McDonald’s franchise:

Something tells me no one consulted corporate headquarters.

Excuse Me, Princess!

Friends, I feel betrayed. Only today I discovered this rightly-infamous bit o’ pop culture:

That show aired 20 years ago, and I’d still be in the dark if it weren’t for Ryan North and his awe-inspiring “Link’s Sarcasm” graph.

I laughed until my face hurt, but sobered up when struck by the [...]