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Today, I deleted 81 spam messages from my e-mail account. 77 of these messages offered me “male enhancement drugs.” Either every spammer everywhere thinks I’m an impotent man (named Rebekah), or the entire internet thinks I’m such a turn-off that I should scatter Viagra everywhere, like a homecoming queen on a [...]  While researching The Great Gildersleeve, I happened upon this *cough* truly memorable photograph of Willard Waterman and Stephanie Griffin: Leave your witty remarks in the comments below. Ready, set, GO!  When I was little, my family’s Chevy Citation had a cassette player. On long drives, we’d listen to Mason Williams’ Classical Gas album, or perhaps a tape of the 1940′s radio classic The Great Gildersleeve. Last year, in a fit of nostalgia, my little sister discovered Old Time Radio’s The Great Gildersleeve archives. Being [...]  Today, Sal‘s link to the Jezebel’s catalog fantasies post took me back to my not-so-distant youth. In the late 90′s, my mother, little sister and I lived in a li’l southern Indiana town with two traffic lights. We couldn’t always pay the bills, so occasionally various utilities would be shut off. Sometimes we had [...] Miss me? Mr. Jaunty and I will be house-sitting for a few weeks. The home in question has a piano, accordion, three cats, treehouse, garden, fruit trees, badminton net, basketball hoop, a Wii, great Lego collection, movies ranging from Gilbert and Sullivan to Eddie Izzard, and maybe a thousand books. A neighbor has offered [...] Last week, two separate acquaintances grilled me about my marital status: “I can’t believe you’re not married! You are getting married, right? When are you getting married?” Well, mere acquaintances, I’m not getting married until gay marriage, polygamy, and time travel all become legal. When that scintillating day arrives, you may dance at [...] Mr. Jaunty and I have been watching these clips every day: Where was this guy when I was 15? [...] I would like to weigh 289672.5440806 square inches of air (at sea level). Currently, I’m tipping the scales at 2000 human eyeballs or 12626.26262626 sheets of paper or 333.3333333333 hockey pucks. But hey, that means I only weigh 0.1133980936238…. well… um… …right whale testicles. Thank you, weirdconverter.com, for putting things in perspective. [...] Back when men were men and I couldn’t reach the bathroom sink, my family played a lot of computer games. Jump Joe, Rampart, Dark Ages, Pac Man in 3-D, Dracula in London, Shooting Gallery, Joust, Mahjong… uh…. that Mario-esque thing with the treasure chests and inverted colors. Shareware, Shareware everywhere and not a thing [...] Everywhere I go, girls are chattering about certain teenybopper vampires and warewolves. Sorry, unnamed sexist over-hyped book/film series, but I only have eyes for one brooding, sensual, vaguely menacing older man with famous fangs:
He even likes babies. [...] |
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