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Well doc, it all started when I spied a 1979 Fisher-Price Little People camper car for .99 at Goodwill. It was like seeing an old friend. I turned it over in my hands, spun its creaky wheels, and knew I wouldn’t be putting it back. For .99, why not buy a few Little People [...] 
As an avid thrift-shopper, I have acquired many classy, current, practical things second-hand. I’ll spare you the standard “I bought these Dior gowns and Van Gogh originals with change from the couch” spiel. I’d much rather tell you how fun it is to find gaudy, dated, who-on-earth-paid-for-this-the-first-time stuff. A small sampling of fairly tacky junk: [...] 
As seen in the opera’s costume garage. 
While reading up on circumcision, I happened upon this swell advertisement for what is billed as a “health supporter belt,” but appears to be a “gentleman’s girdle.” Tomato, tomahto.
(Your grandpa’s Spanx! Image source) Note that this ad describes protruding bellies as “bay windows” (complete with quotation marks) no less [...] 
For weeks, I was strangely unable to comment on any and all WordPress blogs. This bled most of the fun out of blogging; I’m not content with a pulpit, I want conversation. Reading great work and not being able to leave a supportive note was surprisingly irritating. After much noodling and experimentation, I appear to [...] 
Back on April 9, 2010, I wrote a post called “I Have Never” Two years later, I’ve STILL never done those things. Nor these: — had a yeast infection — visited Europe — driven a bus — joined the “mile high club.” In fact… despite having flown many times, I’ve never used an [...] 
When I was a teenager, I kept not only a daily diary but a journal-of-randomness called The Book of Lists. It contained, among other things, the Nifty Person Qualification Test (a ridiculously biased trivia game) and lists of my favorite names (Guybrush Threepwood, for one), celebrity encounters (I had none), and products to endorse if [...] 
Once upon a time (September of 2010), my mother sent me a care package. Each gift was wrapped in… Old grocery bags, labelled with blue painter’s tape and hints regarding its contents. Neat, eh? If you are a slightly fancier hippie, you could obviously use the plain side of the grocery bags and [...] 
(Image source)
I keep a pen and pad of paper on my bedside table. Why? So I can document any interesting dreams the instant I wake up. This hasn’t taught me anything profound about my inner workings, but it’s one top-notch cheap thrill. Recently, I dreamed of finding a [...] 
As a young’un, I couldn’t tell Burt Reynolds from Tom Selleck. To me, they both fell into that broad category called “older dudes with mustaches” and were therefore interchangeable. I had the same problem with Robert De Niro and Al Pacino, neither of whom I’d ever actually seen in a movie. They both had dark [...] |
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