Thong th-thong thong thongs!
For the first 16 years of my life, I refused to wear thong sandals, i.e. flip-flops. Having something stuck between my toes was so irritating— how could anyone stand to wear those awful shoes?
Then during a summer visit to Chicago, a friend unexpectedly bought me a pair of $2 blue plastic flip-flops. Being too gracious to say “eew yuck no I hate this gift,” I wore the sandals. Lo and behold! After the first fidgety day, my nerve endings calmed down and that plastic-between-toes feeling went away. Soon, I wasn’t conscious of that thong at all and came to embrace the thong sandal: a simple, minimal shoe.
Years later, my friend Greyloon convinced me to try thong underwear with the dubious sales pitch, “you won’t have to worry about getting a wedgie because you’ve already got one.”
You can see where this is going.
After the first fidgety day, my nerve endings calmed down and thong panties became a staple in my wardrobe. Simple, minimal underwear.
As someone with a soft, fairly large rump, nearly every kind of underwear digs into my flesh and leaves those dreaded Visible Panty Lines. Yes, slips and lined garments are great but they don’t work for every situation.
For example, I remember a certain professor who often wore chinos or khakis. Not only could everyone see the outline of her panties cutting into her rump slightly, but also that back seam where the cotton crotch panel was attached. Was this a matter of life or death? No, of course not. Do I want people seeing the crotch seam of my underwear from outside my pants? Hell no. Enter the thong.
Thongs are great for travel: they take up practically no room in your suitcase and can easily be washed by hand in a hotel sink. They take up little room in your laundry basket, which is especially good news for anyone who goes to the laundromat. They last forever since there’s not much fabric to wear out or develop holes.
You don’t have to wear thong underwear or thong sandals. You’re an adult and can make your own decisions. However, with a fresh new year ahead, it may be time to reconsider some of the little things you’ve always written off.
P.S. I don’t have a single pair of bikini briefs left. No more Wedgiemakers!