When I was young (and men were men, etc. etc.), my family would sometimes pose silly, hypothetical questions to each other: if you were a Beatle, which would you be? If we believed in arranged marriages, who would you have me marry? Being relentlessly analytical, these questions often led to hour-long discussions of Beatles’ merits, the agony/ecstasy of marrying the boys we knew, and so on.
Attempts to play such games with Mr. Jaunty have proven fruitless:
ME: If you could have any animal, what would it be?
HIM: A dog.
ME: I meant to say “if you could have any animal IN THE WORLD, what would it be?”
HIM: I knew what you meant. A dog.
These days, I play the game alone. Here’s a hypothetical situation I frequently revisit:
All of your exes appear on your doorstep simultaneously. All are in grave danger of some kind, and you can only save one. Who will you save?
For me,Â there’s no contest: I’d save Grackle. Not just because he is the smartest, best-dressed, funniest, and most likely to change the world.
Because he’s my favorite, and that’s all there is to it.
Happy birthday, Grackle.
Â Who would YOU save?