(Source of these delightful images)
Back in November, I started doing something I’ve meant to do for a long, long time.
Changing my underwear.
No, that’s ridiculous; the underwear has to want to change.
What I REALLY started: self-defense classes. Specifically, a combination of Krav Maga and FAST Defense. I wanted to take one as a college freshman, but a Religious Authority Figure talked me out of it. He claimed that self-defense classes were full of evil men who only attended to learn their female classmates’ weaknesses. But then, he also believed every email forward he read, and that some people with STDs deliberately perforate condoms to spread their diseases, then wait until after sex to give their victims a tiny note in a coffin-shaped box explaining their nefarious deed. (He explained this to me and Crumble, whom I’d brought home to meet the folks. All very embarrassing.) When, as an insolent youth, I told this Religious Authority Figure that the word ‘gullible’ was being removed from the English dictionary, he said “Why? Perhaps some people find it offensive?” before he got the joke. He’s a good man, but perhaps not my top-pick for important life advice.
It’s also interesting to note that this man carries a concealed weapon, but thinks self-defense classes aren’t safe for women. Fascinating.
When I first started taking this course, I could barely defend myself— not even verbally. During scripted scenarios in which our instructor pretended to be a threatening stranger, I was terrified: not that she would hurt me, but that I would have to say or do something rude to protect myself. Historically, I’ve often chosen to be a doormat or an easy target rather than risk seeming unkind and hurting someone’s feelings. Dude, all that “sugar and spice” conditioning is toxic. But I truly, deeply care about this particular young lady. If I have to punch someone out in her defense, so be it.
THE POINT: Consider taking a self-defense class of some kind. You will emerge braver, stronger, and better prepared to protect yourself from icky people.
“The underwear has to want to change.” Guffaw! Lady, I’m totally stealing that one.
You’re kinder than I would be about R.A.F., given your description. But well done on learning self-defense. It’s sad that we live in a world where we can’t rely on others to always be non-assailants, but so it is.
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Word!
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Religious Authority Figures, oy vey! How is it possible for people who often know so little to front like they know so much?
Also, please post more about your self-defense classes! I like hearing you talk about punching people out. :)
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Rock on! Martial arts does really teach you to use your voice. I had the same struggles at first. It also teaches you a lot of ways to avoid violence, and how to be more aware of your surroundings. It’s not about “kicking ass” like some people think. I hope you enjoy the class.
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So glad the classes are a good thing for you! Feeling an obligation to be nice to someone who is being harmful to you is something you can definitely do without.
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I took a karate-based self-defense class at my church recently, and was wary of flipping the other church ladies over my shoulder, so I understand the reticence. It’s cool you’re taking a class, Jaunty. There are plenty of places to try out Krav Maga around here but unfortunately no local FAST Defense classes. I think learning how to channel adrenaline would be most useful…I, too, hope you’ll post more about your butt-kickingness.
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I took one about 4 months ago and was at a few events where they teach using your voice and palm strike and whatnot but I think doing something where I’m practicing these skills and using them regularly would be more helpful.
I was glad to have found a self defense class that didn’t victim-blame in the least and let us practice every single move.
Congrats on your class, lady!
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I know the RAF of whom you speak….but I had the advantage of knowing him when he was a jerky little kid, so I imagine I was not inclined to take him as seriously as your younger self was.
Having said that, I once began a self-defense course and dropped after a few sessions because my boyfriend/RAF/your future papa didn’t trust the teacher. At the time I trusted his judgement more than I trusted my own. Dumb, dumb, dumb.
What he didn’t trust, as it turns out, is that the teacher was cute and was a friend of my brother’s and liked me. These are apparently all bad qualities.
The teacher designated me least likely to ever be assaulted/raped out of all the class. Why? He said I was the one who acted the least vulnerable. Would-be attackers are not looking to get damaged themselves, and apparently my years of growing up playing with aneighborhood full of boys must have given me a “don’t mess with me” attitude or something.
Recently Honeylamb’s son said the same thing, basically ‘any guy stupid enough to try to hurt you would get his balls handed to him’.
It has the ring of truth.
Go forth and conquer, my darling daughter!
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What if the icky people send me e-mails. Or, if they are warranty providers ignoring my basement full of mold. Or teachers “diagnosing” my child without holding any medical degree that I know of. Oh, dear me, I’ve had a little rant right here on your blog. Pardon me. I mean – (shouting assertively) Damn Right, I Did!
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This is very smart. I’ve slowly been trying to work on my assertiveness and push back my need to please and not make a fuss, but maybe doing a little in-class butt-kicking would speed that up. I have fears that if I did this myself, though, I would still forget everything and freeze if I were in real-life trouble.
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