And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he seas: and God saw that it was good.
In the beginning, the Jaunties and Mr. S. did go to Seaside Heights.
Image via Mr. J
And the gaudy, consumerist boardwalk was good, and the cast of The Jersey Shore were upon the face of the boardwalk. And there was much photography by fans and great bossiness by police escorts who did use the majestic plural.
And Mr. and Ms. Jaunty did ride a chair lift.
Image via Mr. J
And night did fall.
And after much walking and eating of fried foods, the Jaunties and Mr. S. did sleep in a righteous hotel room with three large beds, which thing they had not heretofore seen.
On the second day, they did return to Island Beach State Park, where they did slather themselves with sunscreen and play in the ocean, being thrown about by large waves and hiding shells in their bullet bras.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And Ms. Jaunty delighted in seeing bodies of every shape and kind dancing with the sea.
And Ms. Jaunty did drink half the salty ocean, for she was a rash and careless swimmer.
Via Mr. J, as usual
Mr. S. and the Jaunties did wisely reapply sunscreen, for they knew the sun was mighty.
Nevertheless, by nightfall Mr. and Ms. Jaunty were red and sad like unto boiled lobsters, for their skin was sorely burned.
And Mr. S. was unharmed, save for the tops of his feet.
And Ms. Jaunty lifted up her eyes and cried “Why did I not anoint my legs with sunscreen? Why did I fall asleep on the beach? For now my legs, yea, and also my lower back are cursed with the color of beets.”
And Ms. Jaunty did lie in bed mourning for the next two days, her legs having the appearance of scarlet chaps.
And it came to pass that her flesh did burn, burn, burn like unto the torment of Johnny Cash. When she did move, her cries were heard throughout all the land.
On the seventh day, her skin did peel off in vast sheets, raining down upon the sofa and carpet.
And it was good.
Shamrock Fest? In September? How curious.
O let it be said that sunburn is a blight upon humanity. Once I was on the painful end of a 2nd-degree burn in Santa Cruz in April (APRIL!) that ended in blisters and a vicodin scrip from the university health center, which muddled my head and made me miss a final. The moon may be a harsh mistress but the sun is worse.
[Reply]
Lo the Sunburn! Please tell me you at least got some Tilt-a-Whirl action outta this.
[Reply]
Oh man, bad sunburns are awful. I had one years ago from being outside in a lawn chair for only a couple of hours from about mid thigh to knee (I was wearing shorts). The edges of the sunburn were so sharp you could’ve drawn them with a ruler, and it was deep enough that you could smell cooked flesh from a least a few feet away for about a week later. The weird thing was, there was no sunburn at all anywhere else — just the tops of my (admittedly very, very pale) thighs.
[Reply]
Jaunty Dame. Weaving Pain into Pithy Prose Since…ummm….well for a long time now.
Well Done, thou good and faithful surf dancer.
[Reply]
Beautiful photos, funny writing, and ghastly description of the burn!
[Reply]
I love this post so much.
[Reply]