(What makes this a rerun? The fact that I posted it on Facebook years ago. Enjoy.)
Feeling Loved: A He-Man Story
When I was but a wee lass, my favorite toy was a He-Man action figure belonging to my big brother, James.
More accurately, this was half of a He-Man figure; he’d suffered a tragic lawnmower-related accident and his top half was ne’er seen again. I kept the lower half, with its furry, belted Speedo and ridiculously muscular boot-clad legs.
My mother says that me and He-Man Crotch were thick as thieves. She couldn’t pry the thing out of my grubby hands long enough to replace it with a daintier, more socially acceptable toy.
(Let’s not psychoanalyze this, okay? Okay.)
After a long, lousy day during college, I was delighted to receive a message from James describing his son L’s’s recent obsession:
“CONGRATULATIONS! You are L’s new favorite person!!!
He likes to hold your picture- he makes us take it off the wall.
He likes to smile at it.
He likes to give it kisses.
He likes to sing to it.
He tries to feed it.
In short, I fear that you may have become the new He-Man’s Crotch (as bad as that looks in print).”
Ladies and gentlemen, do you see what this MEANS?
It means that, at long last, I am finally receiving the reverence and adoration I deserve.
Somewhere, He-Man’s Upper Half is smiling down upon me, gratified to see that I am loved as I once loved him…
… half of him, anyway.