Mr. S. likes oatmeal cookies, so I searched online for “best vegan oatmeal cookies.” Sounds safe, right? The search brought up a positive review at cookiemadness.net, which led me to… Satan’s own cookies.
Or so the username indicated.
I scoffed. Satan? Vegan? Not a chance! Besides, no one with devilish cunning would use unnecessary measurements like “2 cups plus one my-sized handful (about 1/4 of a cup) of oats.”
Or is that just what he wants us to think?
"I shan't tell her to grease the baking sheet--- and I shall arouse her jealousy with my snappy, snappy threads! MWAHAHA!"
Once I began baking, fear mounted. Who but Satan would tell me to “mix in the already pre-mixed together mixture” that he never told me to mix in the first place? (Okay, maybe Paul McCartney.) Who else would wait until halfway through the recipe to mention the oven temperature? Would anyone but the devil END a cookie recipe with “I should mention to drop them by tablespoon?”
What about this:
“Rip off a chunk to see it it is still raw. I usually let them sit a bit before I take them off the cookie sheet because, well, I do not really know, but it makes me not cook them too long because they finish cooking outside of the oven.”
His cookies bake outside the oven. That proves it’s HELL.
Clearly, Satan’s new to writing recipes— but I’m forced to admit his cookies are pretty good, if not as tempting as you might expect from The Great Tempter. Take a tip from Cookie Madness and throw in chocolate chips. You won’t regret it.
Then take a tip from ME and definitely, definitely remember to use parchment paper or grease your baking sheets. Nothing makes the devil happier than ruined desserts.
I’m suprised that the devil has cookies, but they sure do sound tasty. Sound like an ordeal to make them happen, though.
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I often like letting the cookies finish cooking outside the oven. Does help keep them from getting overdone. Nasty trick not to tell you to grease the baking sheets, though!
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Dylan – Have you ever seen the T-shirts that say “Come to the dark side— we have cookies?” Truth in advertising! The recipe’s simple, it’s just very, very poorly written. NEARLY everyone who submits online recipes knows how it’s done, but clearly Satan didn’t do the necessary research. Naturally.
Phoebe – I do that too, but I had to get a hell-related joke in somewhere. You caught me. =) Also, I prefer my cookies soft, so I’d rather underbake than overbake.
Some cookies are oily enough not to require sheet-greasing, but these definitely stuck to the pan.
On an unrelated note, I LOVED the Stephen Fry & Football video you posted to Facebook. He’s so fun!
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i love that line:
“2 cups plus one my-sized handful …”
and the photo. I defintely appreciated the dramatic photo!
Please edit and send the recipe!!
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Rebekah Reply:
October 12th, 2010 at 1:35 PM
“One my-sized handful” is so hilariously useless…
One edited-for-clarity recipe, coming soon to an inbox near you!
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This is hilarious! I might start posting horrible recipes on all the cooking websites as Satan. Make them hard to read and out of order to put everyone who reads them through cooking hell!
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