For the past nine years or so, I have been having variations on the same two nightmares:
1) I am mingling with friends at a crowded party/church meeting when I sense the presence of my first boyfriend — let’s call him “Aardvark.” In some dreams I search twisty hallways, desperate to find him; and sometimes I’m equally desperate not to be seen. He always wears a suit. Whether I confront Aardvark or not, I’m unsettled for hours after waking. THAT’s what makes this a nightmare.
In real life, I’ve tried talking to Aardvark and avoiding him for years at a time; neither approach seems to alter the dreams.
2) I am sitting in a parked car/pickup/semi truck, minding my own business, when suddenly it starts barreling downhill/uphill/through herds of innocent bystanders/into the ocean. I try to take control of the car, but the brakes NEVER work, and the steering wheel’s not much better.
Last week, this dream was different: after totaling a zippy red rental car in a head-on collision, I prepared to be arrested for driving without a license. I remembered that Mr. Jaunty was out of town; who would feed my pet rats?
This was by far the most vivid of my driving nightmares; I clearly saw my car and hitched a ride with the crash victim… the ‘not having a license’ issue was a realistic touch, funny it never cropped up before.
In college, the actor’s nightmare joined my personal late-night lineup:
3) I find myself backstage at a play/recital/opera, totally unable to remember my lines/song text/reason for living/entrance cue. I spend the entire dream panicking, and fighting to remember the imaginary play.
Because I blew many, many real-life vocal juries by forgetting song texts — why is it I can forget entire songs but not the aftermath? — this dream is especially uncomfortable.
My friend Amy suggested that if I mastered lucid dreaming, I could stop the runaway car and tell Aardvark to go suck an anthill. Hell, I could even improvise that play.
Have you had recurring nightmares?
Dude. I am a vocalist, and yet lyrics/text is my weakness. I always use lyric sheets for casual gigs, but when it comes to the odd gig where I actually have to have something memorized, things get dicey. If it’s in another language, I can get away with some creative improvising, as I did on a German art song in high school (I truly hope no one in the audience actually spoke German…I’m not entirely sure what I said, although they were all legitimate German words). Even on MY OWN songs, most of which were written at least four years ago (so I should know them by now), I use lyric sheets. So I can understand this nightmare, I’ve lived it over and over! And oh, vocal juries…How can someone sing naturally with a lineup of professors (or in the case of auditions, potential employers) scrutinizing their every facial twitch? And I do start twitching. It’s awful!
I don’t think I have any recurring dreams or nightmares, though. I usually dream based on stress – whatever I didn’t finish that day, I try to accomplish in my sleep, but of course even in Dreamland I can’t accomplish it, which just makes me frustrated – and this is all before I wake up and go to work. *sigh* I suppose I could deal with this head-on by lucid dreaming, but frankly, the idea sort of scares me…If you are able to master it, I hope you’ll buzz off your hair again and put on a brightly-colored power-suit (shoulder pads would be ideal) to face down Aardvark (love the name, by the way). In my version, you are about ten feet taller than him and cast a terrifying shadow over him. Flip the script, I say!
I hadn’t heard of The Actor’s Nightmare before, but now I want to see it!
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Rebekah Reply:
July 26th, 2010 at 8:11 PM
If we were in the same state, I’d buy you a drink and we could cry about publicly forgetting lyrics together. I, too, have made up French, German, and Italian before, with mixed results. And did I mention that when I met Mr. Jaunty, he was the voice department’s graduate assistant? That’s right, he was PART OF THE JURY. FOR TWO YEARS. The moment we moved in together, I stopped singing around the house.
Your nightmares don’t sound any better than mine. Again, we could cry into our beer about this, were it not for the commute that’d require. You could loan me a neon power-suit for the Lucid Dreamtime Aardvark Face-Off, which sounds like a trippy music festival. As in, Dude, can I borrow your amp? We’re playing at the Face-Off, can you believe it?”
I’ve never seen the actual “Actor’s Nightmare”, but when I told Mr. Jaunty about my dreams, he said it’s common for all actors. Hence the play.
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Rebekah Reply:
July 26th, 2010 at 8:15 PM
Hey, maybe you should take a tip from Ella or Bobbie McFerrin and move away from singing words. Scat, anyone? =)
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Angela Reply:
July 28th, 2010 at 4:45 PM
Oh my gosh. I should hope Mr. Jaunty gave you good marks! I recommend singing Disney duets together around the house, particularly if you do them in that uber chipper, poptastic “Disney voice” (or conversely, Serious Opera Voice). It chisels down the intimidation factor. My boyfriend, with whom I live, is my former competitor. We met all the way back in high school, when we were both vying for the piano seat in jazz band. These days, he happily identifies more with his technological inclinations, and I maintain my identity as a musician. It removes the tension from dating another similarly-creative type, which for me has proven to be…trying…in the past. Yes. That is my polite version.
Ah, if not for the geographical element, I would totally take you up on the drink, a Shirley Temple for me. Next time I do a multi-state tour, I’ll be sure to give you notice and perhaps we can formally memorialize all the lyrics that have died under our jurisdiction. (Does that count as a pun if we’re talking about juries? Does it still count if I point it out? Dang.)
After my start in classical music and before my current singer-songwritery leanings, I studied vocal jazz in college and improv happens to be one of my very favorite things in the whole world. Scatting is perfect for a lyrically-challenge vocalist, have you tried it? Although I don’t do as many jazz gigs these days, I still scat under my breath, or against the repetitive music of the boyfriend’s video games, often subconsciously…thankfully, he doesn’t seem to mind! (Even though I purposefully go atonal just for kicks. He’s so nice to me.) ??
I have read that recurring dreams are your subconscious working on fixing something for you.
I used to have a recurring nightmare that “they” made me go back to my ex-husband. The dream varied, but there were always very serious henchmen-like guys in suits, and usually a moving van they were loading our furniture and things into to take us back.
This sounds fairly innocuous but it was terrifying. I had the dream for months, then it changed to where when “they” would come for us I would argue with them and struggle to not have to go back….they would force me anyway, but at least I was putting up some resistance.
Finally one night I dreamed “they” had packed us all up and taken us back to the ex-husbands huge fancy house. He came out telling the driver to just take our stuff away, because he had better stuff already in his house, and we wouldn’t be needing any of our old things. It was indeed a very big fancy house with a lot of fancy furnishings, but we just didn’t want it. I turned to the driver and Using My Strict Mommy Voice told the ex that he didn’t own us and could not keep us there. Then I told the driver to take us right back home where we belonged, and he did!
And I never had the dream again.
Perhaps my subconscious dreamed me to greater heights of ballsyness?
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Rebekah Reply:
July 26th, 2010 at 8:14 PM
So… I’ve had the same dreams for a decade because I’m STILL not fixing my real problems? Swell.
I think most nightmares SOUND innocuous, it’s the feelings that stop your heart.
Sounds like you fixed your dreamtime problem, and no one’s ever come to kidnap us. Hooray!
I did have an excellent variation of the Aardvark dream once—- it took place in an imaginary temple/stake center hybrid. All the usual Aardvark anxiety stuff happened… but then Mr. Jaunty appeared in a tuxedo. The temple/stake center became a ballroom, and we danced.
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I love the illustration you picked for this blog.
I can’t think of any clear-cut reoccurring dream that I have or had and I guess I should count myself lucky. Brent says he often has nightmares about being back in highschool and not knowing where his locker is or where to find his classes. Poor guy.
Lucid dreaming is still mostly out of reach to me. I have gotten pretty good at realizing I’m dreaming while I’m asleep and ‘deciding’ to do something I want to do rather then carry on with whatever current nonsense. Actual problem solving, not so much.
I didn’t realize you were STILL having variations of the Aardvark dream. He needs to go away.
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Rebekah Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 7:44 PM
greyloon – That illustration is more of my oh-so-classy handiwork: I couldn’t find a picture that incorporated a dude, a car, and a stage, so I had to make my own. Suitable for framing.
High school nightmares are VERY popular, even among people like Brent who survived actual high school.
You’ve always been pretty good at steering your dreams, yes? I remember you talking about a lot off flying dreams in your childhood.
Would you believe I have Aardvark dreams multiple times most weeks? It’s bizarre. They’re less suspenseful lately, but it’s still irritating.
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it’s said that cars in dreams represent our lives and the way we drive is the control we feel we’ve got about it. (I’ve got a dreams dicctionary and you can find several online) I believe that once you got your driving license the dream plot will change :)
*Curiously I bought an aluminium bottle a few weeks ago, what a coincidence, they are pretty useful! Maybe there is normal and averyone has one: not here, people buy little plastic bottles. I bought one because: aluminium keeps water fresh, you can use it again and again (less plastic to recycle, earth says thanks) and I can refill it for free on street fountains while walking. So: cheaper and ecofriendly! everyone should carry one of these!
*I’ve got to write an email to you, I know! …been busy, waiting for a peaceful time with a cup of tea to meet you in the laptop screen!!
good luck with the moving thing! :)
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Rebekah Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 7:26 PM
Patricia – You’re absolutely right about the correlation between my lack of a driver’s license and my fear of cars. Good detective work! =)
People here buy MILLIONS of plastic bottles of water. I’m so happy you have an aluminum one now! Such a useful investment.
Don’t rush to email me, I’m in no hurry. Once things are peaceful for you again, I’d looOooOOooOOove to see pictures of things you find beautiful.
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