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When I was 16, I spent hundreds of my hard-earned pennies on a CD. Not a ‘Greatest Hits’ or ‘Top Ten Songs of 1967′ compilation, as was my custom, but something completely unfamiliar. Of all Barnes and Noble’s CDs, I chose Song Cycle by Van Dyke Parks— partly because song cycles trip my trigger, and partly because [...] 
Today, I deleted 81 spam messages from my e-mail account. 77 of these messages offered me “male enhancement drugs.” Either every spammer everywhere thinks I’m an impotent man (named Rebekah), or the entire internet thinks I’m such a turn-off that I should scatter Viagra everywhere, like a homecoming queen on a pharmaceutical [...] 
For the past nine years or so, I have been having variations on the same two nightmares: 1) I am mingling with friends at a crowded party/church meeting when I sense the presence of my first boyfriend — let’s call him “Aardvark.” In some dreams I search twisty hallways, desperate to find [...] 
Saturday night, an adoring fan — no wait, it was Angela — asked me “Did you really have a buzz cut previously?”
Yes, I did. Getting ready in the morning was a breeze. Freed up lots of time for… Photoshop, evidently. When [...] 
Recently, Mr. Jaunty walked into our bedroom and asked “Should I buzz my head?” ANSWER: Yes, always. It’s like asking me “Wanna eat a cake single-handedly?” or “Care to nit-pick lyrics for the next three hours?” So obvious. I’ve given up my buzz cut, but keep an electric razor for just such occasions. I didn’t [...] 
Over lunch a few weeks ago, my friend Andrew told me, “DON’T BE A THROW RUG!” I stared at him, wide-eyed and puzzled, until he remembered that the American slang is “doormat”. Apparently, ‘throw rug’ is the German equivalent. If the floor fits, wear it; I took Martha Beck’s Doormat Quiz, and it confirmed [...] 
While researching The Great Gildersleeve, I happened upon this *cough* truly memorable photograph of Willard Waterman and Stephanie Griffin: Leave your witty remarks in the comments below. Ready, set, GO! 
When I was little, my family’s Chevy Citation had a cassette player. On long drives, we’d listen to Mason Williams’ Classical Gas album, or perhaps a tape of the 1940′s radio classic The Great Gildersleeve. Last year, in a fit of nostalgia, my little sister discovered Old Time Radio’s The Great Gildersleeve archives. Being slightly [...] I have returned from guarding the piano, accordion, three cats, treehouse, garden, fruit trees, badminton net, basketball hoop, a Wii, great Lego collection, movies ranging from Gilbert and Sullivan to Eddie Izzard, and maybe a thousand books. The man next door DID share his pool; he even dropped by twice to remind me to swim. [...] |
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Copyright © 2012 Jaunty Dame - All Rights Reserved |
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