Speaking of neat freaks…
I recently whiled away several hours cleaning out my file drawer –ooh, goosebumps— and it was FASCINATING.
No joke; FASCINATING. In addition to the usual bank statements and lease agreements, that desk was harboring souvenirs of my past lives, people and events I’d nearly forgotten.
For example:
* A bank receipt from December 19th, 2006, revealing my entire fortune to be $11.63. Clutching that receipt in my grimy fist, I turned my tear-stained face heavenward and vowed, like Scarlett O’ Hara, that I would never be hungry again. Since then, I’ve often been in similar straits. So much for vows
* The password to an online savings account I forgot existed. My balance is $6.25. In 2006, that kind of money would have doubled my net worth! Geez, what kind of starving artist FORGETS her savings account? Mortifying.
* A letter from the dean’s office entitling me to “extended library privileges”. I’ve spent years idly wondering how to get those extra borrowing privileges, and the explanation was in my desk the whole time. [Cuss cuss cuss]
* Two sonnets from a former suitor*, each describing his boundless admiration. “Suitor” may be too strong a word, but “friends” don’t generally write each other love poetry.
* Back in the day, I required suitors (the word applies here) to put their grandiose, hyperbolic statements in writing. This resulted in not one but FOUR intriguing contracts:
1. A letter “setting forth the terms and conditions for a relationship” between Yours Truly and an old boyfriend. Dating with contractual obligations?? How did I forget that? The terms are quite specific and EXTREMELY idealistic. Ah, to be young again!
2. A signed, dated contracted from the aforementioned boyfriend stating “Rebekah R. [surname] will always be treated with love, respect, and dignity. I will treat her as such. And I will make sure that others do too.” I haven’t the faintest idea how he intended to enforce this, but his sister later painted the words “GET YOUR FREE LOVIN’ HERE”on my living room window. Breach of contract, anyone?
3. Another young man brazenly wrote “I will love you and think you are the sexiest thing ever forever and ever. To this there may be no amendment.” Signed, dated, and utterly impossible.
4. Still another man wrote/signed/dated/probably believed the ambitious statement “I WILL WAIT FOR YOU AS LONG AS IT TAKES.” I love an optimist.
* A translation of the letter Johannes Brahms wrote to Clara Schumann on October 11th 1857. He gave her surprisingly sound advice about dealing with depression, which is why I copied the letter. What a wonderful friendship.
* About 100 fake tattoos, perfect for… very few things.
* The one and only Christmas decoration I own; a miniature light-up color-changing snowman/snowglobe from Aunt K. and Uncle D.. There! I’ve stationed him next to my computer, and that’s as much holiday decorating as I’ve ever done.
So! Are you fascinated, or was it just me?
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Are you kidding???? Those are perfect for about a 100 things!!! Erm, well all the same thing actually – dressing up and playing “tattooed lady” but there is NO SUCH THING as too many fake tatoos OR having “too much fun” with them! LOL
ahh, to have that many fake tatoos at my disposal… *wistful sigh*
The love letters/contracts/etc – hmmmm, very interesting! It’s amazing what smitten guys will promise, isn’t it? hey maybe that’s a good test for future reference (yours, mine, or anyone else’s!) if he promises the moon he’s probably A) unrealistic, and therefore likely has unrealistic ideas for what life and his girl should be too… or B) the type who says anything to woo someone, again a rather dangerous prospect. Hmmm, perhaps I should draw up a “love contract” and offer it to my potential significant other (assuming I ever find one…) to see what he does/says? then again, that sounds like work, nevermind. LOL interesting thought though anyways….
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this was supposed to be at the top of my other post… dunno why it didn’t come out… :-/
“About 100 fake tattoos, perfect for… very few things.”
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1-I love the purse.
2-I do not see any snow globe.
3-Who are the headless couple beneath the purse?
4-I adore the three kittens. They reminded me that I should look for gas money in the Grandma Pat pitchers on the high ledge in the kitchen. I climbed up on a chair, stretched high, and checked all 5 pitchers, and two of them had dead bugs. If I’d remembered to hide some cash there I bet it would be a good hiding place, no one bothers to climb up there to dust.
5-I remember “Get Your Free Loving Here”, hahahahaha……that story made college life sound like so much fun!
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As a child, I adored the book “From the Mixed up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler”. I studied it as a manual on How To Survive As A Child Of The Streets. Every since then I’ve had a barely-controllable urge to steal money from the bottom of every public fountain I come across.
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I love the contractual obligations for your former boyfriends. I’m gonna have to start doing that…
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Every mention of something stupid a boyfriend did instantly makes me wonder if I was that boyfriend, followed by ‘nah, couldn’t be me’, followed by ‘could it?’
at least I remember ‘free lovin” and that was so not me.
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Sierra – Send me your address and I’ll send you fake tattoos. They all came in a big ol’ bag from Wal-Mart, so don’t expect anything TOO awesome.
As always, you make excellent points. I’m greatly attracted to realistic dudes. Sometimes. Okay, occasionally.
mum –
1. Thanks, that’s my bag for school.
2. I can see the snowglobe. Anyone else having trouble with this link? I have a camera, I’ll try to document his existence for you.
3. A couple from my old ward, they might prefer I didn’t bandy their names… but they’re very nice.
4. I was tempted to purge the kitten pitchers, so I pressed them into duty instead. I wish I had cash to hide in your jars! I wish I had cash to hide in coat pockets, too, that always sounded like a great idea.
5. I wasn’t thrilled, personally. College life IS generally fun, though.
Jen – Isn’t it amazing? What a plot! And such detail! I’d heartily recommend it to young people… if I knew any.
Kelly – Note that it’s NEVER EVER WORKED FOR ME. It’s left me with some fascinating reading material, but that’s all I can claim.
Greg – SURPRISE! You’re the next contestant! I didn’t think any of the above promises or gentlemen were “stupid”, just sweetly naive. Which is why I still treasure these memories… to varying degrees.
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OMFG
That is tooo funnny! I’ll take the fake tattoos!!! Contracts sound too binding. What about a simple “i’ll roll with you with the punches?”
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Dylan…that sounds too easily misinterpreted…who gets to do the punching?
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Dylan G – You know where I live! Well, approximately.
mum – How about “I’ll punch you in the rolls”?
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hehehehehe!!!
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