I wore flip-flops from June through October , keeping my toenails painted a cheerful rosy pink. I loved glancing down and seeing well-groomed feet. ‘See?’ I’d think, ‘You’re not frumpy any more! Why, you even maintain a decent pedicure!’
But months of nail polish will do bad, bad things to a girl, and under that coat of rosy pink my nails grew increasingly stained.
By autumn, my toenails were Harvest Gold. (Hyperbole? I’ll never tell.)
Oh, I know what you’re all thinking; “Rebekah, why didn’t you use a base coat of clear polish?” Friends, I lie awake asking myself the same thing. But having missed the ounce of prevention, I needed a pound of cure.
The Internet claimed that scrubbing one’s nails with lemon would return them to their original healthy color and warned me to moisturize afterward — lemon can be drying. Easy enough.
I trotted to the nearest grocery store and spent $1 on three pretty, plump lemons. I hurried back home, sawed a lemon in half, spread a towel on my bed to create a work surface, rolled up my jeans, climbed onto the bed, and — came to a sudden halt.
How could I desecrate a lemon? Lemons should be cherished; squeezed over freshly steamed veggies or made into lemonade. Lemon wedges are for iced tea and Aunt Dorothy’s lemon cake, not for grinding into my grotty yellow talons (thanks, Sal!).
There was no turning back. ‘Twere well it were done quickly. I took a deep breath, seized half a lemon, and scrub scrub scrubbed my big toenails. I destroyed two whole lemons this way, rubbing the pulp into my nails, splashing seeds/juice thither and yon.
Know what? It worked pretty well! My claws weren’t 100% restored to former glory, but they were no longer earwaxy yellow. I washed my feet, lotioned up the ol’ nails, and planned to finish the next day.
Mr. Jaunty, unaware of my foot-fixing agenda, used the final lemon to make cocktails. It died a noble death.
Lesson learned, folks! Since that day I’ve kept my toenails bare, neatly filed and buffed. While I’m enjoying these naked nails, I may yen for polish someday… and next time, I’ll remember that clear base coat.
Even wearing clear polish alone seems to make my toenails yellow. Those babies need to breathe! I try never to wear polish for more than 3 days, and then give them a week or so before the next run. I keep them clean and neatly trimmed, of course, and I like to rub a little bit of Burt’s Bees lemon oil on them to shine them up and keep the cuticles healthy… Toenails are pretty already!
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Curses! Thank you for warning me, though. Someday when I’m feeling ambitious, I’ll clear-coat five toenails and leave the other five bare, see what happens.
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Five polished/five bare?
Does our whole family have this fondness for unscientific research???
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I don’t think I know what a “clear-coat” or a base coat is. However I will say two things:
1st. Americans loooove wearing flip-flops until December, and here in Spain we can quickly recognize them by this style hahaha. Their toenails are always polished.
2nd. I’ve never heard this trick/advice, but I’ll make sure to use it if I need it. I will remove the purple colour of my toenails this weekend, let’s see what happens.
=)
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Leslie – Yes. Yes we do.
Smiley Woman – By ‘clear coat’ I mean ‘putting on transparent nail polish before putting on colored nail polish.’
Ha, those tasteless Americans!! I thought flip-flops were tacky… until I moved to the desert.
Good luck with your purple toenails! =)
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Hey… just letting you know… my toenails are just fine! Pheeew! =) What a relief! =)
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they’ll return to normal on their own eventually anyway! probably by the time summer comes around again…all those cells going through mitosis and all!lol
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Rebekah Reply:
November 15th, 2009 at 10:51 PM
Spoken like a nurse! I’m just embarrassed to have gold toenails, it makes me feel 100 years old.
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hahaha talons. hahahahaha
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